The last time I blogged was when I was around 5 months pregnant. Actually, my pregnancy can be counted as a smooth one, as I didn't have so many difficulties other than the one that I was advised to be fully bed rested for 3 weeks because of the back pain I felt during my 7 to 8 months pregnancy. Honestly, if someone asked how is it to be pregnant, I now can only remember the good part, which is great, am I right? I couldn't even recall the pain I've experienced during 9 months including the severe nausea in the first semester. Or maybe those pains including heartburn, painful abdominal muscle stretching on the last few weeks of my pregnancy, none of that.
Natural Normal Birth
I have always wanted a gentle birth, a natural one. But since I have myopia, I was advised to go through C-Section (which led me in to few different complications that I needed to went through another surgery few months after--will share this story later). I have read in different literature, that; of course normal birth is always safer than C-Section, although many people think the pain will be more bearable if you do the C-Section. Honestly, we should formally have the right to choose to give birth by caesarean section – but we must also be offered counseling to help us make the decision. After looking for different opinion by different doctors, I was fully aware that I really needed to go through the C-Section, so there I was quite packed and prepared. So yes, this was an all-planned C-Section which may increase the risk in baby, to be admitted in an intensive care unit, and as for myself ..planned caesarean section may increase the risk of, of course; longer hospital stay, bleeding after the birth that needs a hysterectomy (removal of the womb), heart attack, etc (in short, C-Section is way much riskier than natural normal birth).
So, on a day before 29th of August, I was admitted in the afternoon in RS. Borromeus Dago, in Bandung.Of course, I felt nervous, I felt unprepared, although I thought I was. But then, I tried to be cool.
My parents, my husband, my sister, my parents in law, and even my big sister's parents in law were all there, so I didn't think I need to be THAT afraid, however, that was my first surgery in my whole life, so yeah, of course, I got chill, and I couldn't even sleep the night before.
|My cold feet. A night before the surgery.|
I actually have prepared exhaustively for my daughter's birth. I read stacks of books, read others' stories on the internet, listened to my co-workers stories. Little did I know that nothing can really prepare you for such a profound event.
On 29th, the surgery was planned on 9am. Thank God, everything went so well, that even Resa was in the surgery room documenting the whole process (YES, THE WHOLE OF IT), with a video camera (and yes, I have seen myself being cut and stitched ...sigh, it wasn't easy at first watching it, but well, I have watched the whole video).
I couldn't stop crying during the process of IMD (Inisiasi Menyusu Dini) -- Initiation of Early Breastfeeding, I was amazed, overwhelmed with gratitude of the birth of our very first daughter, who is really really beautiful. I know, a lot of you would say, new born babies are purple, and they look ugly. I know. But when I see Anya, all I could thought was ..she is so pretty and unbelievably perfectly healthy. She cried so loud, I couldn't even get myself together when one of the nurses asked for us to commemorate the moment by taking picture, yes, the three of us, yes, in the surgery room, and yes, Resa was so cool.
|I had my make up on, of course. :))|
I got to meet the whole family after I got out from the recovery room just an hour after the delivery, just couldn't hold my tears looking at my parents and also Resa's parents were filled with joy welcoming the baby girl. All I could think that time, I wanna hold my baby, and I want to breast feed her exclusively no matter how hard the pain I should bear.
That 4 days in the hospital, we felt it like our own home. Resa even commented, that he has a particular memory with the room I was admitted, and even with the nurses. The nurses were so nice, and we kinda felt like home because of them. Well some of the nurses are still young and pretty, so maybe Resa has a point in it too, LOL, just kidding.
We were so blessed. Anya was 4 days old when we got home, and (still) is our fabulous little ball of love, just as we’d hoped for. We’ve been extremely busy these past few first days learning more about each other and how to take care of her, but remembering the first weeks of her coming, I couldn't feel anything other than feeling blessed.
The Feeling of Holding Her at The Very First Time
Who would ever know that something, someone lived underneath your belly and born healthy just like that. Nothing feels more magical than that, I guess. And, thanks to the concept of breast-feeding, I think I bonded easily with Anya because of that too.
There had been a little hormonal imbalance that I felt, but I avoided it right away when I knew that this was going to turn as a baby blues which will lead me to a post natal depression. I opened my heart to my husband, even though the first days all I could do was crying and being over sensitive.
It was so odd to see my little girl the first time. It was like meeting a stranger that you’ve known forever. She was so different from what I’d pictured—or perhaps I realized in that moment I never had pictured her because I felt who she was so clearly that I’d never even given her features a thought. And even though she looked so different from what I expected, everything in me screamed with recognition, “There you are.”
People said she looked exactly like Resa, and well yes, I had to admit that is true. I felt like looking at a mini version of my husband, in a girl form, don't know how to explain it but it was a bit bizarre.
At the first few weeks we felt. This is it. The end. The end of the ability to up and go whenever we want. The end of days planned around everything we want to do. The end of sleeping in on weekends. The end of eating meals uninterrupted. This is the end of before. But it’s the beginning. The beginning of a family of 3. The beginning of seeing the cute little face that we’ve been waiting so long to see. The beginning of watching life experienced for the first time. The beginning of a great love. The beginning of Abrianna’s life.
We’re ready. We’ve been getting ready for our entire lives. Everything we’ve done to this day has taught us everything we’ll know when we start this amazing journey. Anya, bring it on!
I’d like to thank everyone for reading the blog during this whole pregnancy. It has been incredible to feel the support coming through.
And as a grand finale, we have photos to share of my growing belly. It grows, then shrinks, then it has popped our little beautiful bundle of joy, Anya.
|Went for a lunch after check up at the hospital. Looked so big, that belly.|
|My maternity photo shoot, created by my husband.|
|I wasn't posing though, but the photo turns out great, I was only checking up on my make up in my bathroom.|
|My 3 faces before ngambek, said my hubby.|
|The photographer got to kiss the model as a payment :p|