no more personal disaster, pretty please.

Emm, what up. I used to walk tall, now I'm shorter. If any upcoming personal disaster peep up in the mean time, it will probably cut my knees off.

I'm avoiding obstacles coming through my life, I'm so full with that. I mean, all I have to do is decide, which way I'm going to choose. And I need to be clear with myself at the first place, what am I going to do next with my life. I mean, I might going back for good, or staying here to chase away my dream. I miss my Mom and Dad, and home recently, and all I could ever think is going back, and that's killing me because people around me are being fully-supportive about this, and I don't want to make them disappointed, I mean, I'm done with failure. Well, someone might say, if you wanna be succeed, you must first learn to fail. And being failed, I'm getting sick of it.

I'm 21 years old, and mature enough to decide every single things on my own, and what my parents gave me these times, are more than enough, they let me try to get something I have always been craving for, even if it costs them a lot of everything. They are the coolest parents ever for me. The first time they let me going abroad and living alone for the whole year, I have to admit that I was kind of a little bit shocked. I didn't thought that they were going to let me go. And that was the time, I realized, that I kind of mature enough for making decision. Not kind of. I am mature enough for doing this. But back then, these past few days, I keep on craving for my home, having lazy Sunday watching TV series with my Mom and my sisters, ended up falling asleep on the couch all-together. Yeah, that was great time.

And to make such decision for staying here, is a one big single shot for me, and yes, I am scared. I will be having a total different life, and everything's not going to be the same again. That's why I am now avoiding everything I could to make this happen, I don't want any disaster anymore, those were just more than enough for me, call me lame or pesimistic, but I bet, if there's anything come up again, it will probably cut my knees off. I don't know what am I going to do next, because God won't give me (us) a hint for our upcoming life, and that, I should admit, sucks.

You know, I used to love surprises. Like when somebody appears up on your door, pop the ribbons up and gives you 40x60cm box of present you've been wanting and give you a birthday kiss, and everything seem to be too sweet to be true (this one is a true story lol), yes I used to love surprises. But, seriously dude, my life has been really full of surprises recently, like getting know someone, happy, and getting hurt, or fell down the stairs when I was too busy partying with my good friends and suddenly having these bump wounds all over my butt while the upcoming trip to Spain is like in a week, and I'm really looking forward to wear bikinis (LOL), or simply realize that I am going to have the big university entrance test on next month. Yes, surprises, plural. I don't have any idea what would happen next in my life, maybe staying in Germany and start the program all over again or going back to Indonesia continuing my program there instead, or meeting up with someone, having get away together to Athens, Greece and get married there, or whatever. I will never know what will happen next and God won't give me a hint. So time is the answer, but I kind of sick of waiting.

Time flies totally fast, I even just realized it was like a few days ago I was having new year party with my good friends in Frankfurt, and suddenly when I look up my calendar it already says 5th month of 2010. So what am I expecting?

I should eat all of this up and stop being whiny about why God never gives me (us) hint for what will happen next in our life, or bam, keep questioning my self or everyone around me, why is that or what is this, and how can it be like this. I'm running out of my time, and still I don't have any idea which way that I should choose.

I hate life, and the drama that follows, that also why I'm putting myself in to a relationship restriction at the moment, because I hate the drama parts. Why can't we just be happy and satisfied with all that we got. I mean, yes, keep on chasing our dream or anything we want is a right thing to do. But what should I do, when I'm tired of chasing things around. I eventually find out that struggling is much more difficult than challenging itself, when your beloved ones not being even a bit supportive about that, I was having that experienced, even me, I have doubts over myself, and I'm tired, too, to keep myself up for struggling while being underestimated. I feel too much drama in my life and I hate that, the part where I have to struggle, and give all up away. I just wanna have the most simpliest life that man ever had, like sitting on the beach having strawberry margarita and chilling around everyday with your loved ones, or simply doing big charity to save lives, or make everyone around you feel good about their life, whatever, just the most simple life ever, no drama, no obstacles, no chasing, no obsession, no argument, no thinking, no paying, no war, no whatever. Yeah now I'm just blabbering :p

I was picturing myself in few shots, all being succeed. But I somehow now have difficulties to get those picture back, and I hate this. I am lame, pathetic, and pesimistic. I won't say that I am alone, but I can't find anyone to talk about this, I mean, nobody can understand this, and I hate for even try to tell someone about my feeling and stuffs, kinda cheesy. I was in this 3 years of relationship, and I was having him every time I need someone to talk to about everything, we were more like sibling than boyfriend-girlfriend-like, I'm not saying that I miss him (it's not like that), but if you already got someone that you usually talk to, and then things are changed, and you even still have some best friends to talk to, but it feels different, to even let myself try to make a shot to find someone else to talk things.

I don't have guts to believe in myself anymore. I mean, I lost almost all of my confidences. But still, I am happy with my life. It just feels like, someone stole something from you, and you can't have it back easily, I feel like I'm starting to write the whole story all over again, because virus eat up my data, and I don't have the back up. It feels exactly just like that.


The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

P.S : Yes, I wore high heels while fighting with idk another hundred customers at Primark, FFM. You know what? I normally love to go shopping, but now, I'd say a big no to shop, in that kind of situation, I could've been die just for 4 euro pairs of beach sandals, geez, that was totally chaotic.
And yes too, I love my new fedora. So catchya latey, Love, Arika.

P.S.S : I've already prepared all the things that I wanna bring to Mallorca, I really can't wait for this trip, like totally! But unfortunately, I can't visit my siblings who are now living in Hannover, wish me my brother in law a very good health and luck, because he's having major ortho surgery in the upcoming week!


look at my cheek -__-" and i don't fucking care about the hypes.

so i cooked today and i feel so damn fat, look at my cheek, it'll explode anytime soon.

i never thought that i could ever cook at least something eat-able. and what i was cooking this afternoon was pretty delicious for a beginner like me, and i ate like crazy and gave myself compliments for keep on saying this is great and tasty, how could someone like me even cook this kind of food. LOL. but today was really great!!

P.S : The first pic, was my outfit today, I wore my black UGG boots maybe for the last time, well today the sun was shinning, and i felt like really warm wearing those boots but yeah i'm gonna miss those layered outfits soon when Summer comes. but hey hello summer! and i keep on saying get rid of the stripes soon, i'm fucking sick seeing people wearing stripes everywhere, but i wore it though, LOL, i was too lazy to get change, so it was also my pajamas for the previous nite, oh yes i haven't took a bath and i went to the city center to take a walk and do a do a little shopping with my roomie.
P.S.S : as you can see my cheek, so I gain another 4 kgs, (okay yeah yeah yeah its horrible). errrrr.. what am i gonna do with my diet plan? i can cook!! :/


you and me song by The Wannadies

Always when we fight
I try to make you laugh
Til everything's forgotten
I know you hate that

ba ba da da ba ba ba ba (2x)

Always when we fight
I kiss you once or twice
And everything's forgotten
I know you hate that

I love you Sunday song
The week's not yet begun
And everything is quiet
And it's always...

You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always
You and me always..

You tell me I'm a real man
and try to look impressed
Not very convincing
But you know I love it

Now we watch TV
Til we fall asleep
Not very exciting
But it's you and...

Me and we'll always be together
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always...
You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba, it was always...
You and me always, and forever
You and me always, and forever
ba ba ba ba da ba ba....
ba ra ra

I finally found this song. this reminds me a lot of..everything.

my first contribution

so this is what happened if you got super-speed-internet-connection in your room.
i should've called myself as an internet whore or so ever, but it is kinda normal when you got nothing to do and you're too lazy to move your ass from bed and put some make up on, besides, the weather isn't that great that i have to wear coat to walk outside, so i prefer to spend my free time blogging after those long spending hours studying german grammar which is really tiring.

so i decided to participate on online fashion magazine, since i don't really take a good care of my lookbook, i try to find something else fun. so hopefully my score would be as great as the other, but it doesn't matter, i have fun with this.

p.s : i blog so much recently to prove that i'm still being productive or so ever.
so catchya lateeeey! love, Arika.


i borrowed this top from my dear roomie lol

nothing interesting about this look, i wore all H&M products, whatever I love H&M bcs they're cheap and well yeah, mostly people wear it but i still love H&M. deep in my heart when i started to enroll my study at university here in Germany, i wish i could somehow work as a part timer at clothing store instead bar or in food section kinda work, blurp.

my thought of this very rainy day : dear ehm, someone from the past, you are still alive because it's kinda illegal to shoot you.

coffee and fedora

so i took pictures today, because the weather was quite good, but fuck it i can't use my slr really well, but it was kinda fun today. this little black dress is a birthday present from my ex, and i haven't wear it since ever. i mean, i got this for my 20th birthday gift, and haven't wear it until today. and i already gain my weight like 7 kgs since i moved here, and fuck it whatever, i hate to be fat :/ but luckily, i can still wear this dress without rippin it off.

playlist for today : coffee by copeland, am i wry? by mew, quando quando quando by michael buble, and last but not very least girl from ipanema by lisa ono.


happy international mother's day :)

unintended trip to Mannheim, last week ago.

It was last week ago, we actually planned on goint to Vienna, Austria, but, we were having a bad bad weather so we changed our direction and went to Mannheim instead. Well I couldn't take so many good pictures so pardon me, that you guys can only see my big fat cheek. But it was yeah, fun.



Well, I first know this band, maybe over a year ago. I remember, it was the first week I moved here in Germany, and my room mate at that time, who happens to be one of my best friends right now, well to describe best friend as in my dictionary, is someone who always know what's been up to you lately and even in a single details, you wouldn't ever bother yourself to stayed up at night telling your day to them. Well we have never been that close enough, but I simply comfortable to call her one of my best friends. Well she's living in Indonesia at the moment, and now doing her final thesis, and hopefully she can catch up again here in Germany with me anytime soon. Well it's kinda funny to blog about her, because at the beginning we were hating each other. Well, she was kinda popular at that time, when I entered university about almost 4 years ago. She was my senior, and I'm an asshole when it comes to seniority-what-ever-it-is-called. I don't like to be around with new people and get to know them, they called me ignorant, well arrogant too at that time, and I saw this one year older senior girl, yeah I have to admit, that she was sort of pretty, and that what makes me think she's being arrogant because she's pretty and she's a senior, just like that, what ever. I was 18 at that time, so pardon me. She was in the same house I'm living right now, she was homestaying here for 1 year, and we got to meet each other for a short time, it was just like 2 weeks or less, but we had a great time, talking and confessing that we hated each other, and it was great, we talked a lot almost about everything, well, mostly about our ex-es and our bouyfriends at that moment (well at that time, I was still being in a relationship with my first bf). We spent almost every single night before we sleep, to gossip about everything, and she showed me this band, Copeland. Well I'm not so sure if she played me that first song, it was California or Brightest? I don't really remember. But it might be the first time ever I heard Copeland, and I fell out for this band.

I have to confess that I am one of that person who always put 1 song that I really love, and listen to it all over again, like everyday. I put one of Copeland's song, it's "Coffee", and it's on all-kind-of-my-playlist. Name it, it's on few of my genius playlist, and sleepe-deepy-playlist, drive and jive playlist, chilling-playlist. It's on all of them. I am in love with this song. Well, i love this kind of song actually, but it's a great song, that the lyric is way too simple, but somehow it touches the deepest way of my thinking.

Coffee by Copeland

There's plenty of time left tonight
I promised I'd have you home before daylight
We do the best we can in a small town
Act like big city kids when the sun goes down

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's so many things I have to say
I'll stay up all night to hear about your day
We do the best we can in a small town
Act like kids in love when the sun goes down

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come
Well it's got to be strong to touch my heart
Through its shell
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come
Well it's got to be strong to touch my heart
Through its shell
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come

I couldn't bear myself for not being jealous that they are going to have this farewell tour and going to end it in Indonesia. What--up!? Yes, they are having it tomorrow 08th May 2010 in Bandung, yes they are. I came from Bandung, actually, even though I keep on telling everyone here that I live in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia. Well, I should've said that, Bandung is a place where means a lot for me, I made my living there, just everything there. And there's no place I'd rather be right now, I just wanna be there, plus Copeland is having their last concert there too. So it's kinda mixed feeling between homesick and jealousy for not being able to watch their concert. Well it's totally envious (like hell), because I'm on this blackberry group messenger, and they're all my college friends who are now still living in Bandung, and they keep talking about this concert, and I crave that, like totally. But what ever it is, and whatever it takes, I'm not going to be whiny and lame and whatever, because it was my decision to move here, and I am happy with my life here, so whatever, it's just a little home sick attacking me in the middle of my boredom. Well, guys, please have so much fun watching Copeland's Farewell Concert tomorrow. Oh yes, and my best friend's name is Valentine. I hope you're okay that I blogged you, yes for some reason, I miss talking to you.

So catch up later.

99 fun facts about guys

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
Arika : Oh really?

2. Guys love flirts.
Arika : To equal the gender, as long as we are single, it's approachable for girls to do flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.
Arika : True.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
Arika : Can't be more agree.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
Arika : Not true.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!!!!!!
Arika : I'm pretty sure, they do.

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
Arika : There always is, I disagree. Guys are always be guys.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.
Arika : They should.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
Arika : Cheesy.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
Arika : I wouldn't ever believe those kind of sentence.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
Arika : True.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
Arika : Very true.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.
Arika : TOTALLY. but sometime it's kinda make me sad, that girls love guys more sometime on behalf of artificial stuffs, like thick wallet LOL, or what he's riding, or whatever.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.
Arika : I think too much. Girls do too.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!
Arika : True. So sorry but true.

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!
Arika : Yes they are.

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.
Arika : :/ yes it is.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

59. Guys don't really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.
Arika : Yeah whatever.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they'll realize they're wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys' weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.
Arika : uhm? what?

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.
Arika : :(

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.
Arika : but that's what girls always do.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships

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