I just know by now.

If I could miss someone this very much. I have never thought any of these feelings ever before. These all sudden differences are killing me. Fuck if someone says, what doesn't kill makes you stronger. I never could have be stronger for this kind of crisis. I MISS YOU. HELL. I REALLY MISS YOU. I COULD HAVE SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT. I feel like I sucked too much cigarettes, till I can't get enough air to breath, that is how I feel. You just really need to know that I missed you more than anyone could be. Glory God, can I just meet him for a single shot of a dream. Can I just justify all of these as something iresistibly unexplainable. Oh Politicians, can you ever feel this kind of human nature feeling, missing someone so bad, is just like messing with your opposite, mister. No good feeling at this, even one. Nope. This is life, it's not a dream, can you differentiate this? I'm living my life very righteously. I don't do wrong (anymore). I'm not taking this feeling as easy as usual, because I don't know how in the world could I take this much any longer. I'm humble, though I'm greedy, I want too much things, I couldn't make my ass move to afford it. I'm getting to be used to something painfully alone. It kinda hurts, you know, to be fucking alone and not to be with you, right now. It's like fucking idiot when I'm not around you when you're actually avoiding to show your feeling too much -not-to-miss-me. And well, mister, what I'm doing is exactly the same, I'm like to tired and full to show this feeling around, I know what I'm going to get. It's nothing. So I prefer not to do anything instead hiding this feeling.

You know really sure how much I miss you. You know it for sure.
How could I spend my time around just to see you in front of this fucking laptop for sure. How could I stand not to kiss you? Did you ever considered me as the other party that feels exactly the same loss as you? I'm existed not to be alone. You really know how to turn me on to write something about you, you really know. Cruel that you said I don't really care much about you. You should have known me better than anyone ever could make it. I really really can't recall a better day without you.
A friend of mine, told me something, when winter begins, then you'll be all gloomy. Maybe that is it. Today is the first snow in Germany, I don't know when mine is begin. But the gloomiest feeling ever is coming for more.
Oh Crap, I miss you too much :(

Poisonous Symmetry

"I miss you, Mr. Dimitri. I never know I could miss someone this bad :("
"If you just could have been here for all the time, Germany will be so damn great."
Underground Station in Frankfurt

Baiertal, what a journey :)

Heidelberg Stadtzentrum

sweater from United Colors of Benneton, Legging from H&M, Boots C&A

Baiertal Hills, a beautiful view :)


So, Hello Fashion :)

October 2009, U-Bahn Station in somewhere near Frankfurt (Bad-Homburg)

Autumn Black Coat by Woodstock
Legging 250 Denier by H&M
Black Boots by Doc. Mart's Classic (Original)
Red Tote Bag by ?


Adaptation is the process whereby a population becomes better suited to its habitat. This process takes place over many generations, and is one of the basic phenomena of biology.

Also, the term adaptation may refer to a feature which is especially important for an organism's survival. For example, the adaptation of horses' teeth to the grinding of grass, or their ability to run fast and escape predators. Such adaptations are produced in a variable population by the better suited forms reproducing more successfully, that is, by natural selection.

SOURCE : Wikipedia.

The North American system only wants to consider the positive aspects of reality. Men and women are subjected from childhood to an inexorable process of adaptation; certain principles, contained in brief formulas are endlessly repeated by the Press, the radio, the churches, and the schools, and by those kindly, sinister beings, the North American mothers and wives. A person imprisoned by these schemes is like a plant in a flowerpot too small for it: he cannot grow or mature.

I moved here in Germany, for about 2 months. Everything's different. Before I knew I can make it come true, I know, I'm gonna pass such an adaptation stuffs. I was in a boarding school, when I was 15. My school was sucks. But I know I'll pass through it.

I adapted my self from a high-spoiled-daddy's-girl to who I am now. I must say, I'm proud of it.

I got a room, with double bed, a very nice room indeed. I have to manage my room impossibly tidy,

That's easy for me. I have to manage my relationship with my guest-family. I'm homestaying here. And that's easy for me too. I have to manage this homesicking feeling, although it's hard to take care, I passed through this too, so what's next?

Managing myself with time and budgeting my needing with money, is the hardest things for me to take care of. I really don't have any clue, if somebody could make these stuffs better than any other accountant or economic scientist. I feel like, hell.. I am growing 21 years old, and for the holy time, I really can't take care of my money and time.

Adapting myself to them, I was hoping so much a successful ending. I insanely can't just re-throw these away, can I?

So gladly I'm now in the process. You'll hear the result from me soon :)



I kinda sober already. But you just ruined it. So please let me out of the line. For a single shot.

I kinda sober already. I don't blame you. But you made me.

I kinda sober already, and I'm tired to give my self some tries.

I kinda sober already, I've been trying to get you outta my head. But it's not working.

I kinda sober already, and all I could say was, Am I going to go home soon?

I kinda sober already, but my finger keep typing those harsh words. I spill out them for god's sake thousand times, and I don't know why I don't feel sorry.

I kinda miss you.


I'm gonna do a photoshoot someday, exactly like this!!


Kaya Scodelario.
Kaya Scodelario (born Kaya Rose Humphrey; 13 March 1992) is an English actress andmodel. She is best known for her role as Effy Stonem in the E4 drama Skins.

Scodelario was born in Paddington, London. She is of Brazilian descent and speaks fluent Portuguese.She has said that The Who are one of her favourite bands. Although she has been romantically linked previously to actors Nicholas Hoult and Jack O'Connell (both Skins co-stars), she insists on her Twitter that she has dated neither. However she later contradictorily revealed in an interview with LOVE, a bi-annual fashion magazine, that she has been in a relationship with O'Connell for nearly a year. Which turns out to have been made up as she confirmed that on twitter too.
source : Wikipedia.

Sex and The City

Samantha : There's two kinds of guys. The ones who hold your hand and the ones that f**k you.

Charlotte : You're engaged!
Carrie : I threw up. I saw the ring and I threw up. That can't be normal.
Samantha : That's my reaction to marriage.

Carrie : Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Miranda : I don't talk to Steve about my work.
Carrie : And he doesn't mind?
Miranda : I think he prefers it that way.
Carrie : But you guys share everything else.
Miranda : Because we're in Brooklyn. There's no one else to talk to!

Samantha's terrified to get an AIDS test...
Samantha: What if I have it?
Carrie: You don't have it.
Samantha: Sometimes it takes me a really long time to get over a cold.
Carrie: That's not AIDS, that's central air conditioning.

Samantha: Hello, 911. I'm on fire!

Charlotte: So, which church does his mother go to?
Carrie: Park Avenue Presbyterian.
Charlotte: Good church! It's one of the best on the east side!
Carrie: What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
Miranda: Four stars. Great bread; disappointing wine selection.

Samantha: You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now.
Carrie: And here I thought it was Pokemon.

Carrie: And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Me : Oh I wish I can be a part of Manhattan someday. And see if i could get some friends when I'm on their ages. Must be cool.


knick knack this is my random thoughts. this post is suck.

I've got something in my mind, that umm actually a little bit bothers me. I have thoughts, and they're dancing like M.J in my head, and I can't help it to knock it off, and when I just decided to go to sleep. I feel like, I have to share this at least on my blog-post. So then I write.

I'm no smoker, you see. I'm no smoker.
But I have one pack of Marlboro here, next to me. I quited ever since I realized, It's no good, at all (for me). But I still have it, though I don't smoke anymore.
I really want a Pringles right now, but I don't have it on me. I really want at least a night snack to accompany me during writing. But see? I don't have any. I could have bought it, but I didn't. So is that simple, I don't have it right now, though I still really want it. (I'm little bit hungry right now so, I use Pringles as a comparison :p)

THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see? People have something they don't really need.
I have something I don't need.
and I don't have something I need here.

Well that's basically, on your decision; on what to do next and what do you have to do to provide yourself with something you really need. That's a human being.
And what bothers me is... Why is everything made to be so complicated indeed, while you can make it all a little more simple.

I'm like a thousand times saying "So, that's life."
But it's no answer.

You see, I don't know what to write, or what to think, it's like I have so many things inside my fookin head. And I just wanna throw it out, and Re- Fresh all over again, but, I have no power to do it, so I'm just gonna write this. My random thoughts.

You see, I need to sleep right away. But I'm still here in front of my laptop, and still holding my Blackberry, and starring at the Marlboro pack, and I still don't know what to do. I just wanna write, and I really know this writing is sucks, this post is suck. I still got both bacteria and M.J dancing in my head, so I decide to hit the bed right, right, right now, before I get infected by insomnia trend (which is I have to call that a trend, bcos it's like 70% of my friends get infected by that trend, they are oh-so-can't-sleep-every day, and I don't want any of that trend infect beyond my expectation).


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