So What's More Pathetic ?

Life isn't created to be all filled with love, for God''s sake, at least that what my thought.
You said, you are not designed to believe someone easily, Dear. And that just perfect, we can't count ourselves into a situation that force us to believe in someone (else). I talked way too much about love, now I'm not sure what am I doing right now. And doubtful, is really not my personality. I have told everyone, that I'm not a gray person, yes is always had to be "yes" and so do "no". It has been never "maybe", because living in doubts is sucks.
What's more pathetic, Dear?
To be a best friend, it can happened in all of the sudden.
to be a lover, a same way, you can say.
to die, it's an easier way to do.
I have never been happy, for the whole life can be, I don't deserve happiness. And please, I am so okay with that, it's really bored you know, to heard, or read such a chronically love stories, bed-time stories such as Cinderella, Snow White, those are frigging bullshit for me.
Life is about starting and ending, building and breaking. Not to mention that I'm closely-to-a-depressing such situation, it's just I want to write a lot, I don't know how to share this, it's like I'm faking my feelings in words, but that's okay with me, and please, I'm not a pity.
Well, people need time to crawl, and making such their dreams to be real, but talking real analogically, so what's real anymore? We live in a fake, fake, fake life. We die, then the life after the death is the real one
, I'm still guessing through it, mention I'm not kinda religious and all that person, I don't pray much but, repeat I still believe that God does exist, and nothing can change that .
So, what's more pathetic, Dear?
Honestly I can't find any words that related to what I'm feeling right now, it's like I'm still faking this, faking that, but I'm not tired, this doesn't have to be over, because this is Life i had, this I won't regret though I'm not happy.

jadi, Ketemu kan? hihihi :) nyampah abis gw.


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