for what its worth slash is it worth it??

this is not a fashion blog, it's my own frustrating and hope-less-ly thoughts.

Enough talking about fashion.

My mood lately seems to turns out gloomy and all blue, its radical, and i cant help it for sure. I was trapped into something-sucks-me. I cant find any answer to those things. Its the first time and the worst time, err well I'm guessing myself wont let the time heal through it. I thought I was ready for it. But well yeah, I was naive. I am not even ready for anything.

There's too many things I should prepare. There's tons difficulties to finish, and its only a little time. And yes. I am. Selfishly stupid and patheticly alone. I was alone, I wasn't sure.

"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. "

I am totally an idiot and coward. I am help-less. I dont know what am I looking for and that sucks. I dont know how to share, how to tell you about this, even on blog!! Because I've made a stupid and (yes) big big big mistake, oh well. MISTAKE? Even now i don't even know wheter it is a mistake. So I trapped, i trapped and can't get enough spaces to get out from this kind of -hopelessly-situation, I am writing yes, but my heart's screaming, loud.

Is it right to having an -what-should-i-call-it-an-affair-or-betrayal?? no, i don't even do such things. Well ironically i don't even know what am I doing right now...

Wheter it is a mistakes or no, it makes me going crazy, crazy enough to stay home all week and doing nothing except bb-ing, facebooking, checking on him and him, watching some kind of sucked-up movies, and those are just wasting of time.

Well, as a resume : I am planning on going to Germany on August, and home-stay-ing for 1 year. And what makes me feel gloomy? I dont have enough time to get out from this Labyrinth of never ending problems, I dont get much way to fix, and to-fix-what-anyway? Once more, I don't know wheter it is a MISTAKE or HELL I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BY NOW, BUT I FEEL SO SAD AND I CAN'T HELP IT.

i dont have enough time and i am wasting my little time, and it hurts, really it does. and i guess no one can help me, but sure, even time won't heal. even time won't do so. Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
and its rapidly close to my heroical thoughts that i have to go find some of me times


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