So I am trying to write down everything here, and be 100% blatantly honest about this. About the fact that I am a mother, who happens to work, and happens to be having a really good career at the moment.
Honestly though, I am not in a workforce or such, I am just enjoying myself at the moment. All of you readers, if you do know me well, I have been in a running manner for 2012 until 2014. Graduated in the same week as wedding weekend, honeymoon, and got the first job (that I still treasure until now), all in the same week. I'm not sacrificing myself, not gonna put that, that way. But, sometimes you really need time for yourself to grow. Of course, my ultimate happiness is Anya, I know, and by working, it does lead feelings of guilt and stress because I can't be with her during daytime, and now, to mention, during weekdays. It is hard, so hard that I turn to a workaholic. I don't mind with that word, I do even think it is a good word. So here I am filled my days with loaded works, and just enjoy the time, I don't wanna waste a single minutes not to learn because for me, now I have been sacrificing a lot of my time with Anya. The only thing that hooked me in is that, I have a plan, and I will stick to my plan even though sometimes that plan would crumble down and turn to be bullshit when I want myself to be around her, and be there when she is sick.
The only thing that I would need to do better is organising everything. I am quite bad in time management because of the loads, I know I should have set priorities but it's never as easy as it seems. I am still learning and I will learn until I can do it, it's no brainer, I need to manage myself to be able to do it. It is of course to make both of my career and my family flourish, that's the plan, the only best plan I have. I have been putting pressure for myself and I think I need to get to work smarter rather than harder.
A good friend of mine, told me, rather than I am dwelling on how I am not with my daughter, I better focus on the fact that my role in the company is actually benefiting my family.
"The most successful career moms have found ways to be efficient in both worlds -- and that requires being able to come to terms with choices and focus on the priorities that are in the moment," says Lisa Pierson Weinberger, a lawyer and the founder of the website Mom, Esq.I think I can ace a lot of stuffs, make up and fashion for instance, or hit on a guy. Now, acing this one complex management of time, family, and career, I can spend my whole life to be able to claim myself a good manager. It is hard, especially when you need to prioritise. Deep down in my heart, my daughter has always been number 1 priority, but then I am not too sure of what I do.
Juggling between work and life is always tricky, you can't seem to enjoy one thing over another too much. It's getting complicated when you lose balance, but please, who could have balance all the time, we're human after all.
When talking about time we spend with our kids. The question would be, is it quantity or quality, or both? But the new groundbreaking study tells us that :
"It’s quality – not the quantity – of time spent with young children that matters most, according to a groundbreaking new study. It found the amount of time mums spend with their children aged three to 11 has little bearing on how successful and well-adjusted they’ll become later in life." Read more on the articleLately I have been feeling stress out to the fact that I couldn't be next to my daughter when she is sick. I just wanted to be with her when she calls Mama, right away. But then, it is the price I am paying. All of these stuffs happening, made me think.. of what do I actually seek in life in all honesty?
After a long discussion with people I trust, I have been also thinking of resigning and be a stay at home mother. But, my gut said no. I need to put myself first to be happy, in all justification that I have, this is not selfish, but it's more to a smarter move. I can just resign in the next few months and be there for my daughter, but then I will feel lost, lost of things that actually make me who I am right now. But, to set a deadline is always important, I know exactly what my timeline is and when to stop. I guess this is the boldest move that I have done so far in my life, that will require a lot of sacrifices, but I know this will all going to be worth it. I believed in my plan, still believing it and will make all parties related to believe in it.
This is an honest writing, I hope you guys can get inspired in my last few paragraphs and decide what's best for yourself.
|Selfie session when she got sick yesterday, fluffy eyes, not in the mood.|
|This is also when she got sick last weekend, the only position she wanted me to do, snuggle all the time.|
|On our way to the third paediatrician. She is so pretty.|